Wednesday, 21 November 2007

Pudhumai Penn

Here is a strange or shocking or welcome (how ever you want to name it) thought/perspective by one of the participants in a TV debate program (neeya naana - vijay tv). The topic was about marriage expectations and the question was which ceremony(sadangu) is not wanted or boring among youngsters in a marriage. Many expected answers like nalangu (sandal bath for gals), Jaanavaasam (road show for the bride groom) came from the youngsters.

Surprisingly/shockingly one gal didn't find tying thaali(sacred thread with a piece of gold tied around the neck in Hindu marriages) as a necessary thing in a marriage ceremony. Her point was this. Rituals and ceremonies don't determine or strengthen a relationship. Marriage is all about mind.. :) Hats off to that gal :) . After her answer a question was posted to the parents whether any one of them will accept her as their daughter-in-law. But no surprises this time. There was not a single Yes from the parents side :(

I do agree her point of view. Marriage (Thiru Manam) should be the union of minds. No physical entity can or should determine it. But unfortunately in the so called culture at home, marriages were never Thiru Manam. All these years they are only exhibited as Thiru Caste, Thiru Religion, Thiru Language, Thiru Money, Thiru Status. The feel of togetherness should come from inside and not from all these rituals..

In the same show there was a reply from a gal about how pride she feels about her caste.. Thought of writing something about that...But no comments. .l. :)





10 comments:

Divya said...

Awesome post Eswar!
I kinda had a simillar thought in mind...
I don't mind the thaali, I have nothing against that tradition, rituals and traditions are instruments of faith...
but if he ties one for me, why can't I tie one for him too?...

Naanthaanga said...

Divya,
Your idea is more interesting.. :) Suber..

Ranjit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ranjit said...

I think the point of the thaali is to just to signify to the world that a person is married. Come to think of it, every religion as far as I know has something similar to our thaali. Whether a person wants to flaunt it to the world is another issue though.

Naanthaanga said...

Ranjit,
What is the necessary here for some one,let it be male or female,to signify to the world that they are married? If it is necessary then why it is not for both the gender?

In olden days metti(metal ring) was worn by men in fingers of the leg to signify that they are married.similarly women used to keep bindhi in their fore head to signify they are married. Because those days women used to walk looking at the ground, so they can identify a men whether he is married or not by looking at his leg.Similarly Men used to walk keeping their head straight.They will identify whether a gal is married or not by looking at her fore head..

But now a days people have changed and all those rituals don't make any sense to anyone. Am not able to find anything significant for tying a thaali. Except for couple of things like tying thaali will lead to another horrible ceremony,removing thaali when the husband dies.. Also our directors will be losing one major area of sentiment in the movies..

ranjit said...

In christianity both man and woman wear a ring to signify that they are married. It is only in hinduism where man has not followed that metti thing. Man being a social being makes it a point to share his good fortune(i.e finding a life partner) and has a ceremony. Just to make it clear, this ceremony is not necessary, but just an obligation. We(humans) have already understood that a wedding ceremony is not final and hence we have something called a register marriage. You are legally husband and wife, if and only if you register your marriage. You definitely need not have a ceremony. If you are strong enough, you can still save the wedding expense by just signing the register.
My guess is that, we have this whole ceremony, ending with tying the sacred thread, just so that we can invite people and in front of all of them make vows on what all you will do for your other half, thus letting people know that you love the other person so much that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with him/her.
And the thaali is not just to signify that the person is married but also a little more than that. The reason being, all the steps that lead to a person tying the thaali..It is actually very very elaborately mentioned in vedas. I for one believe that vedas are no joke and hence do believe that there is reason for all this happening. However, all this meaning is lost these days, which is a sad thing. This hence brings the question of whether tying a thaali let alone a wedding ceremony is needed. My guess is that if people do understand the meaning of the ceremony and the slokas recited ,then the cermony might be considered necessary, else, it is upto the bride and groom to decide. But, I definitely believe that the ceremony is not a farce, cos I believe that vedas are not farce.

Naanthaanga said...

Ranjit,
Am also not aware about the vedhic signifcance of thaali. Few of the google article says, it protects from evil, protects husbands life, something like that.Do you think it is? Everyone says it is sacred,but not saying why it is sacred.

By the way what do you think as the most sacred thing in the world. Sacred is related with mind and individual right.is it not? what makes a thing sacred?

ranjit said...

mangalyam tantunanena mama jeevana hethuna
kanthe: badhnami subhage! sanjeeva sarada: satam

meaning: This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this around your neck, O maiden having many auspicious attributes! May you live happily for a hundred years (with me).

Anyway, as you mentioned, It is us who make anything sacred including this thaali. When asked why such a significance, I have a weird but a little plausible answer :)

Okie, here it goes...All these sacred stuff were cleverly designed by our ancestors to reign in the actions of a human. I have another question. What makes a temple sacred?? why should you not wear a slipper inside a temple?? why?? Here again, if you look at it the practical way, it makes no sense. But people say it is sacred, and the reason is we humans make it sacred. If you question the reason for making the thread sacred, then you have to question the whole sanctity of religion!! So I think all this thaali, religion etc..etc..are nothing but a clever way to make sure that people do not completely go out of control.
sounds a little far fetched eh!! :)

anitha said...

Hey ppl! I've a question.. first of all "Is marriage necessary?!" When u know ur relationship is strong, when u know ur partner is perfectly loyal n u trust him/her do u necessarily need to marry?!

Naanthaanga said...

Ranjit,
As u said it is mainly to formulate the system. End of the day anything is OK if the system is fine.. If the system(marriage) is not going to be as it should be, then what is the point in doing all these rituals,ceremonies.. uh?

Anitha,
When there is trust and understanding, marriage is not necessary. But for legal purposes and other things register marriage might be necessary.. For example, when u go for a dependent visa counsel i think Marriage certificate is necessary..